Thermodynamic Lesson

During Trey's block leave we decided to have a smoking party.  No, not the California-hippy style smoking party.   We smoked meat.  I mean, we smoked MEAT!  Full brisket and 5 or 6 racks of ribs (St. Louis cut).  Plus just to round things out I threw some veggies in the smoker for fun.  Smoking meat takes about 10 hours, depending on the size of the meat.  A brisket takes about 10 hours to get fork tender but not falling apart.   Of course during this time you must periodically stoke the fire, check the temperature, and check on the meat.  The active time is about 1 hour total, wedged into 10 hours of drinking beer and poking at a fire.  Trey is in charge of the smoking.  I open beers.  Its a good trade.


Of course, you can't consume that much meat yourself, so you must invite people over.  And if people are coming, you must have additional dishes to serve to round out the table.  Otherwise the table would tip over from the enormous amount of meat on one side.  I decided to go with basic BBQ style sides.  My traditional bluecheese coleslaw, baked potatoes, and because I can't stand to do a party completely simple..... chocolate eclairs.  With homemade pastry cream.


As you know, meat that is smoked usually has BBQ sauce either on it or on the side.  Trey made his own BBQ sauce.  He was heating it up at the last minute to pour over the meat for the last half hour of smoking.  In his effort to minimize the amount of dishes (smart, since he's the one that does them), he decided to heat the sauce in the Pyrex measuring cup.  Now Pyrex is a pretty amazing substance.  It goes from oven to fridge with no problem.  However, what he did not realize was that oven heat and stove heat are different due to the different thermodynamic properties of air vs. glass.  This lesson was made abundantly clear when the 4 cup measure containing the BBQ sauce exploded all over the kitchen.


I was just so happy that the explosion wasn't my fault that all I could do was laugh.  And then hand the 3 guys in the room mops and towels to clean up.  Luckily we had enough ingredients for another batch of BBQ sauce, which was made in a pan, and I got a brand new Pyrex measuring cup out of the deal.


Exploding sauce notwithstanding, it was an excellent party.  Good food, good company, whiskey tasting, and I won an argument with Ivan about whether meat caramelizes (it does, due to the natural sugars in muscle tissue).  At one point I came into the family room and all 4 children were furiously jumping up and down on the couch.  I guess the cookies that Mallory brought were a hit too.


Pate a Chou

1 1/4 cups water

1 1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) unsalted butter, cut into pieces

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups unbleached flour

4 to 6 large eggs

Preheat oven to 425.  In a heavy saucepan bring water to a boil with butter and salt over high heat. Reduce heat to moderate. Add flour all at once and beat with a wooden spoon until mixture pulls away from sides of pan, forming a dough.  Transfer dough to bowl of a standing electric mixer and beat in 4 eggs, 1 at a time, on high speed, beating well after each addition. Batter should be stiff enough to just hold soft peaks and fall softly from a spoon. If batter is too stiff, in a small bowl beat remaining 2 eggs lightly, 1 at a time, and add to batter, a little at a time, beating on high speed, until batter is desired consistency.

Pipe onto cookie sheets covered in parchment paper.  Pipe mounds 1 1/2 inches in diameter, leaving 1 1/2 inches between circles.  Using a wet finger, smooth the tops of the mounds.  Bake at 425 for 10 minutes.  Reduce heat to 400 and bake an additional 20 min until golden brown and hollow sounding.  Turn oven off and let stand in oven for 30 min.  Then remove and allow to cool completely. 

Vanilla Pastry Cream

1 1/2 cups half and half

1/2 cup sugar

2 large eggs

1 large egg yolk

2 tablespoons all purpose flour

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Bring half and half to simmer in heavy medium saucepan. Whisk sugar, eggs, egg yolk and flour in medium bowl to blend. Gradually whisk in hot half and half. Transfer to saucepan. Whisk over medium heat until mixture thickens and comes to boil, about 5 minutes. Boil 1 minute. Pour into medium bowl. Stir in vanilla. Press plastic onto surface of pastry cream. Cover; chill until cold, about 4 hours. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Keep chilled.)

Drinkin' and Drivin'

There are many things you should not drive when you are drinking.  Cars, trucks, tractors, and a new one to add to the list is shopping carts.  Especially when said shopping cart happens to be in Feinkost Bohm.  For anyone who is a regular follower of my blog will now be slapping their forehead saying "oh no, she didn't go in there AGAIN?  Doesn't she know the devil works there?"  And in fact he does.  Yes, this is the tall, dark, handsome, vaguely-British accented man that convinced me to buy Iranian caviar and 2 bottles of champagne because of course I needed it.  Well, this time I was in for a quick shopping trip.  Yeah, yeah, I know, no such thing with me.  But I was also kind of playing hooky from work, so there were multiple reasons for my visit.  Plus I needed food to cook for dinner with my in-laws.....

Cue suspense music.......

And then he appeared, informing me that there was a special on a new, small vineyard champagne and I should try some.  So after a try, or two, I went on my merry way patting myself on the back for not succumbing to the temptation to buy an entire case of champagne.  And in my glow of self-satisfaction I decided to buy some steaks for dinner.  Upon glancing up and down the meat counter I decided on Waygu beef.  In filet and ribeye cuts.  They looked lovely and I planned to make them with a cognac mustard sauce.  I was feeling so proud of myself for avoiding the damage of a case of champagne and having a nice classic dinner planned.  And then I went to the register with my armful of parcels.

Big cymbal crash as the monster leaps out........

Yes, I had, in fact, bought the most expensive meat possible.  In the most expensive cuts.  Imported from Japan.  My pocketbook had a seizure, the credit card company began collectively shaking their heads, and all the while the devil is sitting in the background with a placid smile and a glass of Champagne.

No more drinking and driving shopping carts.

I will tell you that the beef was amazing, the sauce turned out perfectly, and the blue-cheese cheesecake that went on crackers as a sort of side dish was perfect with the steak.  I also made a green bean casserole which was good, but unremarkable.

Steak:
2 cuts of the most expensive steak you can find
1T Olive Oil
Pinch of Salt
Pinch of Pepper

Let steaks rest at room temperature while you consume your first glass of wine and explain to your spouse why you are now broke.  Heat olive oil in pan until very hot but not smoking.  Salt and Pepper steaks on both sides.  Sear steaks on both sides, 6 min total if Medium Rare.  If wanting another type of cooking, buy less expensive steaks.

Cognac Sauce
3T + 1/2C Cognac
1T Dijon Mustard
1/4C Heavy Cream

Deglaze steak pan with 3T Cognac sauce.  Sip the rest, pouring small amounts into the pan to get the right consistency.  Add mustard and heavy cream.  Stir until thickened.  Salt and Pepper as needed, but taste first.  Salt and pepper from the steaks rubs off a little.  Pour over steaks.

Blue Cheese Cheesecake
1 Refrigerator Pie crust
1/2 Package Cream Cheese
4-6oz. Blue Cheese (depending on desired taste)
1 Egg
1/4C Heavy Cream
Pinch Salt
Pinch Pepper
2 Large Onions
2T Butter
Pinch of Sugar (about 1t)

Preheat oven to 375.  Blind bake the pie crust in 7in pie pan.  Remove from oven when light brown.  Cream both cheeses, egg, cream, salt and pepper.  Pour into pie crust.  Bake for 20-35 min, until cheesecake is solid in middle. 

Cut onions into slices.  Heat butter in large frying pan.  Cook onions in butter until golden brown, stirring frequently.  Add sugar and cook for additional 3 min, until medium brown.  Serve on top of cheesecake.

Back with a Bang

After the over-ambitious Thanksgiving gorge-fest, it took me a little while to get back to cooking.  Not only did the dishes take a while, but with the Christmas prep, getting ready for Trey to come back, and my general inability to stay inside when there are so many opportunities to drink Gluhwein.....  it took me a while to get back to cooking.  But now that I have, and now that Trey is back to help keep little helpful hands from smearing whatever I'm making all over the kitchen, cats, and herself.....  NOW I CAN COOK!

First up was the most complicated cake I've ever made.  Of course, in good over-ambitious and over-zealous baking ideas, I decided to make a traditional Lithuanian Torte Napoleon.  Yup, that's right, making a really hard torte, from a culture I don't belong to, and can't really find a reliable recipe in a language I read.....  All great ideas, right?  Well, I did about 100 hours of research, found several recipes that looked traditional (the ones that included instant pudding didn't seem to be traditional enough, and anyone who knows me know that I REFUSE to take shortcuts).  The cake turned out pretty well, maybe not completely traditional, but I did get the Lithuanian I made it for to verify the torte dough and one of the custards I used were in fact authentic.  The lemon butter cream I added wasn't in the least traditional or Lithuanian.  It was in fact Italian.  Made with egg whites, hot sugar syrup, and lots of whipping.  But I think it added to it.  Especially since the Lithuanian in question likes lemon, so the lemon Italian butter cream seemed to make sense.

Second big dish I cooked was Beef Bourguignon for Christmas dinner.  Served over puff pastry stars.  This one was also done the traditional way, with pork belly, onion, beef, and lots and lots and lots of wine.  It turned out very well.  Of course cook anything in wine for 3 hours and its going to taste great right?

And now, I'm off to make sugar cookies to sandwich with the rest of the lemon butter cream to take to our sledding party in the old castle.  I also have to finish the hot chocolate, by adding Baileys and rum, of course.  And looks like the sun is almost out, so I'll add the Torte Napoleon and Beef Bourguingnon recipes a little later.  After I've had my fill of hot chocolate, cookies, and sledding.

Cooking with Looney Toons

In my biggest, most outrageous, most over-the-top dinner party planned to date, I think I faired pretty well. There were several cancellations at the last minute, so we only had 16 adults as opposed to the 24 I was expecting.  And from the amount of noise I think then entire Hun army sent their children.  There were some big successes in the food, and some mediocre dishes, but no massive failures.  Which is kind of incredible.  Here is the full, complete, unabridged menu:

Herb Butter rubbed Turkey (weighing in at 25.4 lbs.)

Sage and Mushroom Stuffing (this one was mediocre, but I'll blame the vegetarian for that one)

Gravy (also mediocre, although the only person I can blame is myself)

Black Truffle Mashed Potatoes (pretty good, although needed more truffles and to be whipped)

Baked Macaroni and Cheese (big success on this one)

Butternut Squash Soup (pretty good, but needed something on top)

Grappa Cranberry Jelly (do you even have to ask?  Of course it was great, is has grappa!)

Candied Sweet Potatoes (also good, which was a surprise)

Pumpkin Pie (normal, normal)

Gingerbread Spice Cake with Orange Cream Cheese frosting (mmmmmmm........)

I was most impressed with the turkey.  And I think the reason it came out so well was just sheer, dumb luck.  I made the herb butter a head of time, and not bothering to read a recipe for turkey simply made a pound of herb butter.

Herb Butter

3T Fresh Minced Rosemary

2T Fresh Minced Thyme

2T Fresh Minced Sage

1lb Butter, softened to room temperature

Salt to taste

Mix well and either refrigerate for up to a week, freeze for a couple months, or slather immediately on turkey.

So, when it came time to rub the turkey with butter I had forgot to bring the butter back to room temperature, resulting in big clumps of butter under the turkey skin.  And being lazy, I just kind of poked them into place and left them.  Then microwaved the rest and brushed it on the turkey skin.  Now, keep in mind that I'm doing this by myself, so lugging around a 25lb, slippery, rubbery bird is going about as well as a Looney Toons cartoon would do.  I put a cooling rack directly on a solid oven rack because that was the only think I could find that would fit the turkey.  Then unceremoniously dropped Mr. Butter-up-my-Butterball on top and threw him in the oven.  After a few times of basting the skin was getting a little too brown too quickly.  Hmmmm, perhaps having it directly against the heating element isn't helping...  Lets flip him over.  Cue Looney Toons music again....

Besides using every kitchen towel in the house, watching the bird slide across my counter into the half prepared sweet potatoes, and dropping turkey fat on the cats, I got him turned from breast to back...

So I flipped him, basted him, and put him back in the over.  After a while the skin was a little too dark so based on the fact that I hadn't ruined the bird yet, I decided to just cover him with foil.  When guests started arriving (and by guests, I mean indentured servants that I conned into helping me prepare) someone thought it would be best if I left the meat thermometer in the turkey so that I wouldn't have to take it all the way out to check the temperature.  And as is usually my luck, the thermometer melted in the oven.  Luckily against the tin foil not the turkey.  So we guessed that clear juices = done turkey.

It was actually really good.  Very moist.  Very tender.  Great flavor.  What's my secret?  A pound of butter and cooking with Looney Toons.

(Oh, and I cooked the turkey at a 175C oven for about 5 1/2 hours, just to complete the recipe.....  Don't forget the 3 glasses of Sekt it takes during the last hour and a half of roasting)

Other dishes and recipes to follow.

Over Ambitious?

Anyone who has ever eaten at my house knows that I can be a little ambitious in my choice of what to cook, how much, and when.  I'm prepping for a dinner party of 23, 17 adults and 6 kids.  Which is not the largest number of people I've cooked for, but it is the largest number I've attempted to serve a sit-down meal for.  And of course I insisted on cooking everything myself.  From scratch.  No short cuts.

Are you ready for the menu?  Ok, sit down and grab a glass of wine.  Because that's what I use to cook with.....

Butternut Squash Soup shooters (appetizer)
Turkey (25lbs, rubbed in fresh herb butter)
Dijon Herb Gravy
Mushroom and Sage Stuffing
Truffle Mashed Potatoes
Candied Sweet Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Macaroni and Cheese
Grappa Laced Cranberry Jelly
Pumpkin Pie
Gingerbread Cake

I have the loaner table set up, silver in the process of getting polished, serving pieces identified, cases of wine bought, and lots of pieces of dishes are in various stages of preparation.  Now heading off to one last shopping trip to get the last little pieces.  Wish me luck.  I think it will be a good time.  Even if I burn all of it and we order pizza.  You can't go wrong with friends around.

Stay tuned to discover whether I burn the turkey because I had to squish it into the oven, or whether the table collapses from all the food, or the mashed potatoes end up on the ceiling......

Scary, scary, and more scary

Well, the halloween party seemed to come out a success.  I was the most proud of my spider eggs.  Although they didn't look exactly like spiders, they were pretty cool none the less.  The cheese ball spiders were mediocre in taste, but not too bad.  The brain dip was pretty tasty, but melted in the over.  It looked successfully gruesome, but not specifically like brains.  And of  course cookies are cookies.

So here are some of the pictures:

Ok, so I didn't exactly bake the last thing.  But she was pretty cute for Halloween, so I had to include her as a little bumble bee.  The mummy dogs were the biggest hit, I think.  And those were actually the easiest.  Hotdogs with pizza dough wrapped around them and baked.

I have some good recipes I have to add to go along with this, but right now I have information assurance fires I need to put out.  So I'll add those later.  And maybe make this post look nicer.  Hmmm.... we'll see how far this glass of wine gets me.

Its That Time again

Yup, you know it.  That time when I start wanting to fire up my oven again.  That time when I start creating events to cook for.  And that time when the fire marshall ramps up readiness in my area and my friends start lining up their excuses.

In this years line up, first we have Halloween.  Which is usually not a big cooking event, but I'm planning a party for a bunch of little kids, so there will definitely be some halloween treats needed.  And then there is Thanksgiving.  Since everyone is going to be gone on Thanksgiving, I'm doing it a week early.  The guest list has a potential of 22 adults and almost a dozen kids.  We'll see how many decide to come.  THe percentage of people who come having already been to one of my dinners versus the Emily Jordan Dinner-virgins will be interesting.

So what do you think of this for the kids menu:
Worms in Dirt (sliced hot dogs in refried beans)
Pumpkin Cheese crackers (no pumpkin, just cheese and puff pastry in pumpkin shape)
Caramel Popcorn Balls
Graveyard Cake (chocolate cake with cookie gravestones)

And for the adults:
Eyeball Cheese balls (spiced cheese around pimento stuffed olives)
Spider Web eggs
Shriveled Potatoes with Aioli
Cured Epidermis

I'll keep working on it and see what I come up with.  For now, its time for some blue cheese spread and wine jelly.  Yes, that's my dinner.  And yes it is homemade.  I think I've put both recipes on here before, but if I haven't, I'll try to remember to post them.  As long as I don't have too many glasses of red wine before I post this......