Cooking with Looney Toons

In my biggest, most outrageous, most over-the-top dinner party planned to date, I think I faired pretty well. There were several cancellations at the last minute, so we only had 16 adults as opposed to the 24 I was expecting.  And from the amount of noise I think then entire Hun army sent their children.  There were some big successes in the food, and some mediocre dishes, but no massive failures.  Which is kind of incredible.  Here is the full, complete, unabridged menu:

Herb Butter rubbed Turkey (weighing in at 25.4 lbs.)

Sage and Mushroom Stuffing (this one was mediocre, but I'll blame the vegetarian for that one)

Gravy (also mediocre, although the only person I can blame is myself)

Black Truffle Mashed Potatoes (pretty good, although needed more truffles and to be whipped)

Baked Macaroni and Cheese (big success on this one)

Butternut Squash Soup (pretty good, but needed something on top)

Grappa Cranberry Jelly (do you even have to ask?  Of course it was great, is has grappa!)

Candied Sweet Potatoes (also good, which was a surprise)

Pumpkin Pie (normal, normal)

Gingerbread Spice Cake with Orange Cream Cheese frosting (mmmmmmm........)

I was most impressed with the turkey.  And I think the reason it came out so well was just sheer, dumb luck.  I made the herb butter a head of time, and not bothering to read a recipe for turkey simply made a pound of herb butter.

Herb Butter

3T Fresh Minced Rosemary

2T Fresh Minced Thyme

2T Fresh Minced Sage

1lb Butter, softened to room temperature

Salt to taste

Mix well and either refrigerate for up to a week, freeze for a couple months, or slather immediately on turkey.

So, when it came time to rub the turkey with butter I had forgot to bring the butter back to room temperature, resulting in big clumps of butter under the turkey skin.  And being lazy, I just kind of poked them into place and left them.  Then microwaved the rest and brushed it on the turkey skin.  Now, keep in mind that I'm doing this by myself, so lugging around a 25lb, slippery, rubbery bird is going about as well as a Looney Toons cartoon would do.  I put a cooling rack directly on a solid oven rack because that was the only think I could find that would fit the turkey.  Then unceremoniously dropped Mr. Butter-up-my-Butterball on top and threw him in the oven.  After a few times of basting the skin was getting a little too brown too quickly.  Hmmmm, perhaps having it directly against the heating element isn't helping...  Lets flip him over.  Cue Looney Toons music again....

Besides using every kitchen towel in the house, watching the bird slide across my counter into the half prepared sweet potatoes, and dropping turkey fat on the cats, I got him turned from breast to back...

So I flipped him, basted him, and put him back in the over.  After a while the skin was a little too dark so based on the fact that I hadn't ruined the bird yet, I decided to just cover him with foil.  When guests started arriving (and by guests, I mean indentured servants that I conned into helping me prepare) someone thought it would be best if I left the meat thermometer in the turkey so that I wouldn't have to take it all the way out to check the temperature.  And as is usually my luck, the thermometer melted in the oven.  Luckily against the tin foil not the turkey.  So we guessed that clear juices = done turkey.

It was actually really good.  Very moist.  Very tender.  Great flavor.  What's my secret?  A pound of butter and cooking with Looney Toons.

(Oh, and I cooked the turkey at a 175C oven for about 5 1/2 hours, just to complete the recipe.....  Don't forget the 3 glasses of Sekt it takes during the last hour and a half of roasting)

Other dishes and recipes to follow.

Over Ambitious?

Anyone who has ever eaten at my house knows that I can be a little ambitious in my choice of what to cook, how much, and when.  I'm prepping for a dinner party of 23, 17 adults and 6 kids.  Which is not the largest number of people I've cooked for, but it is the largest number I've attempted to serve a sit-down meal for.  And of course I insisted on cooking everything myself.  From scratch.  No short cuts.

Are you ready for the menu?  Ok, sit down and grab a glass of wine.  Because that's what I use to cook with.....

Butternut Squash Soup shooters (appetizer)
Turkey (25lbs, rubbed in fresh herb butter)
Dijon Herb Gravy
Mushroom and Sage Stuffing
Truffle Mashed Potatoes
Candied Sweet Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Macaroni and Cheese
Grappa Laced Cranberry Jelly
Pumpkin Pie
Gingerbread Cake

I have the loaner table set up, silver in the process of getting polished, serving pieces identified, cases of wine bought, and lots of pieces of dishes are in various stages of preparation.  Now heading off to one last shopping trip to get the last little pieces.  Wish me luck.  I think it will be a good time.  Even if I burn all of it and we order pizza.  You can't go wrong with friends around.

Stay tuned to discover whether I burn the turkey because I had to squish it into the oven, or whether the table collapses from all the food, or the mashed potatoes end up on the ceiling......

Scary, scary, and more scary

Well, the halloween party seemed to come out a success.  I was the most proud of my spider eggs.  Although they didn't look exactly like spiders, they were pretty cool none the less.  The cheese ball spiders were mediocre in taste, but not too bad.  The brain dip was pretty tasty, but melted in the over.  It looked successfully gruesome, but not specifically like brains.  And of  course cookies are cookies.

So here are some of the pictures:

Ok, so I didn't exactly bake the last thing.  But she was pretty cute for Halloween, so I had to include her as a little bumble bee.  The mummy dogs were the biggest hit, I think.  And those were actually the easiest.  Hotdogs with pizza dough wrapped around them and baked.

I have some good recipes I have to add to go along with this, but right now I have information assurance fires I need to put out.  So I'll add those later.  And maybe make this post look nicer.  Hmmm.... we'll see how far this glass of wine gets me.

Its That Time again

Yup, you know it.  That time when I start wanting to fire up my oven again.  That time when I start creating events to cook for.  And that time when the fire marshall ramps up readiness in my area and my friends start lining up their excuses.

In this years line up, first we have Halloween.  Which is usually not a big cooking event, but I'm planning a party for a bunch of little kids, so there will definitely be some halloween treats needed.  And then there is Thanksgiving.  Since everyone is going to be gone on Thanksgiving, I'm doing it a week early.  The guest list has a potential of 22 adults and almost a dozen kids.  We'll see how many decide to come.  THe percentage of people who come having already been to one of my dinners versus the Emily Jordan Dinner-virgins will be interesting.

So what do you think of this for the kids menu:
Worms in Dirt (sliced hot dogs in refried beans)
Pumpkin Cheese crackers (no pumpkin, just cheese and puff pastry in pumpkin shape)
Caramel Popcorn Balls
Graveyard Cake (chocolate cake with cookie gravestones)

And for the adults:
Eyeball Cheese balls (spiced cheese around pimento stuffed olives)
Spider Web eggs
Shriveled Potatoes with Aioli
Cured Epidermis

I'll keep working on it and see what I come up with.  For now, its time for some blue cheese spread and wine jelly.  Yes, that's my dinner.  And yes it is homemade.  I think I've put both recipes on here before, but if I haven't, I'll try to remember to post them.  As long as I don't have too many glasses of red wine before I post this......

Please Excuse My Voracious Appetite

How do you go about ensuring that everyone on a work trip is comfortable, welcome, and able to enjoy themselves especially during the after-hours times?  Well, pre-planning is key.  Choosing interesting and unique restaurants (but not too interesting as to be unapproachable).  And finally, make sure that you are always ahead of the crowd leading by example.

During this most recent trip to Charleston I made sure to employ the above lessons learned in many ways.  The most noticeable of which was my willingness and ability to out-eat everyone at the table.  For example, during the sushi dinner most people ordered 1 roll and a couple nigiri.  I made sure everyone felt good about what they ordered by ordering and then eating almost 4 rolls and a half dozen nigiri.  Rinse and repeat for the fried seafood dinner the next night.

And of course there was the multiple helpings of biscuits and gravy for breakfast.  I say helpings, not servings.  I think the FDA would probably have something to say not only about the size of a serving of lard-based biscuits and gravy but also the placement of said breakfast item on the food pyramid.  Upon seeing my breakfast choice, a certain Minnesota-based sponsor asked what was in it.  He seemed slightly appalled with the non-chalance my answer "biscuits have lard and flour, and the gravy has lard, flour, and sausage."  Of course after hearing that and watching me consume a couple more helpings I did notice he kept watching me for signs of the inevitable heart attack.

I did warn everyone that I would eat an appalling amount of seafood, fried food, and biscuits while I was there.  It was all in the name of making everyone feel comfortable.  I swear.  It was just a leading by example.  And I'm sure you can all extrapolate that into the beer.....  But I don't have a recipe for beer, so you'll have to leave the details to conjecture and photographic evidence.

Anything Can be Fried

I'm endeavoring to cook and server Charlotte healthy, balanced meals.  And since she isn't a multi-course kind of girl yet, I'm trying to get veggies, proteins, grains, and calcium into 1 dish foods.  I can now see why casseroles are a favorite with midwest-raised mothers.  You can put it all in 1 dish, bake it, and serve it out of the same dish.  While that is a great concept, I still have nightmares about going to potluck dinners in Minnesota and seeing nothing but casseroles smothered in Cream of Mushroom soup.  White, unidentifiable mounds.......kind of like the house-high snow drifts outside.  I still shudder at the memory.

Tuna noodle casserole is a pretty good combo of protein, calcium, grains, and veggies if you do it right.  In my continued refusal to make casseroles, I made a version on the stove.  Ramen noodles (minus the flavor pack), tuna, cream sauce, cheddar cheese, and diced up green beans.  It turned out pretty good, and Charlotte even ate some of it that first night.

Looks like she takes after me in the leftover department.  I hate leftovers.  Not sure why.  Maybe it goes back to casseroles being served over and over again.  Regardless, I have a hard time enjoying something reheated.  And just like me, Charlotte refused to eat the tuna noodle stuff the second night.  But with so much of it left I didn't want to throw it away.

Like any good American, I figured out how to fry it.  By throwing in a little more cheese, rolling sections into balls, breading them, and then frying in oil I got deep fried tuna noodle casserole.  It wasn't too bad. And Charlotte ate it, which was the point.  Not a recipe worth repeating or posting.  But good concept I suppose.  Assuming you aren't concerned about colesterol, weight gain, or general health....

Next Time I'm bringing Salt

A barbeque.....yeah, that's a good idea.  On a Sunday afternoon.  Cool.  With a Southwest theme.  With my friends that have kids.  Sounds great...........

Um.  But I don't know how to start a fire let alone work a grill.  And I've never had any more than 1 more kid over at a time.  Oh, and I have no idea who is showing up or how many.  Luckily for me one of the guys (thanks Matt) was kind enough to take over grilling the flock of chickens that I had marinated.  And another couple took my kid for a little bit so I could finish cooking.  And everyone brought something.  Which brings me to my title.  When I invite people I never assume they will bring anything.  However during casual events like bbq's I'm always happy to add if they want to bring something.  I love to cook so I assume that if my friends want to cook they will do so and then bring it.  And if they don't, then they just show up.

Everyone brought great additions.  And then there was Ivan.  Who did bring a very tasty pork and bean stew that I can't remember the name of because it is actually authentic as opposed to the I'll-make-something-with-chilis-and-call-it-mexican-even-if-it-includes-cheezewiz types that I usually make.  However, he did not make his famous guacamole.  Luckily the girls trapped him in the kitchen and then badgered him into turning my 3 mediocre avocados into great guacamole.  And in conversation later he made the statement that for any more potluck dinners he was bringing salt.  Good luck with that Ivan........  I'm never coming to one of these dinners without avocados and cilantro.

My contributions were chili, which we didn't serve because Ivan brought his pork and beans (which was worlds better, so I'm glad I kept the lid on the chili), grilled chicken breast, which I didn't grill because I don't know how and Matt does such a great job of it anyway, and grilled corn with chili lime butter.  I did make the marinade for the chicken and the chili lime butter.  Both of which were very good.  The marinade was the same as one of the last entries with just a little more currant juice added to make it sweeter.  And the chili lime butter recipe is below.  Its my favorite thing to put on corn.

Chili Lime Butter

1/2 C Butter
1/4 C Cream Cheese
1T  Honey
1/2T Lime Juice
1t Chipotle Powder
1/2t Cumin
1/2t Garlic Powder

Soften butter and cream cheese to room temperature.  Mix all ingredients in a bowl until completely combined.  Chill for about a hour.  Slather on hot corn on the cob.  Don't forget a napkin and don't underestimate the sheer pleasure of licking your fingers.

So the sum total of my contribution to a very successful sunday party was a grill, a terrace, an apartment, an oven......... essentially real estate.